Something was wrong and i knew it…i jsut didn’t know what it was.
When I first started to write this blog, I wanted to do what i love & get paid for it which is basically every single person’s dream on this earth i guess (except that monk who sold his ferrari…and a couple others really, but you get my drift) … but what happened was I just focused on how to make my passion into money & forgot all about what my passion was in the first place…
You see, first i was so excited for this blog, i wrote nearly consistently….then I was consumed with how i could make the blog itself better, a better theme, better pictures, better interface, sidebar widgets, twitter this & pinterest that. I couldn’t stop reading articles about how to make your blog into a business, how to increase traffic flow, optimize SEO, google keywords, how to take the perfect pictures, write the best titles, i left no rock unturned.
You see I’m the person that always read the manual of a new phone when she first got it before playing around with it (yeah i know….nerd and proud) & when i come to do something i like to do it right or not at all, so i thought the only way i could do this blog right and turn it into a money making machine was by reading, perfecting and tweaking it everyday…till eventually i found out i lost myself in this whole “business” ordeal & forgot why i started this..
Why? Why did i start this really?
I started it because writing made me happy…pure and simple.
I was writing short stories since i was 13, and i remember spending most of my indoor summer nights with a piece of paper and a pen & just pouring my heart out with spilled ink & typed words come my 22nd birthday & i get my very own laptop ^_^
Now I’m 27, have this whole website where i can write ANYTHING i want everyday and i’m not? HOW COME?
Simple…because i got caught by the numbers!! I stopped caring about how writing made me feel and started only caring how many people liked my post, or shared it, or liked my facebook page (resisting impulse to link it) <– see what I’m talking about? I’m consumed with the business part of this and forgot all about the fun happy soul lighting on fire part of what writing does to me…and why? All because i got older and wanted to make money to depend on myself & wanted to stop working jobs i wasn’t inlove with and just do what i love & get paid for it…
Well, i’m currently the owner of a super small online gallery where i paint things i love, I also have another online shop i run with my best friend where we make handmade knitwear & sell it online & in exhibitions here in Egypt…and i have this blog…but i was unhappy!! I wasnt making enough money out of all three because as my husband put it, i needed to pick one thing and stick to it. But i didn’t know how to choose, until he asked me “Which one of the three makes you the most happy?”
at first i didnt know how to answer,because i loved all three…i love creating shit everyday & being a Gemini i jsut couldn’t imagine just doing one thing for a living my whole existence, i needed novelty, and change.
But then i actually listened to my heart, and what my first answer was…the answer i was afraid of, the one i didnt’ want to admit because it was the one thing that didn’t make me any money, and that was not my goal…. my blog! I didn’t want to admit the one thing i loved doing most i was failing at in life (because my blog wasn’t successful)
i spent the following days questioning my life decisions, trying to figure out where i went wrong, when did i become this money obsessed person…and it all lead me to this blog post.
My husband’s response when i told him finally that what i loved doing the most was writing was simple & yet life changing…he said “then write everyday”
It was so simple yet i couldn’t figure it out on my own!! And this is what i’m going to do…i gave my blog a make over, it’s more simple now ( i used to think having an aweseom theme with fancy shit on it would make my blog better) but i don’t care about these things anymore…i don’t care if i dont have a perfect picture to feature on every blog post (which was my own reasoning as to why i wasn’t blogging all the time cuz if it wasn’t perfect then i wouldn’t post it)..i don’t care that this post is gonna be nearly a 1000 words long worrying that no one would read it, i don’t care if no one does, because i’m not writing it for anyone but me & the moon…the one i always used to talk to endlessly….from now on, I’m writing for me…and God damn it it feels fucking amazing saying that to myself!!!
No more writing posts just because i think that’s what people would like to read, i’m gonna write what i want, and how i think i could help others…not how others think i could help them. I’m done doing shit for the money, i’m done just existing…i want to start actually living a life i do NOT want to run away from…
also…no stupid questions at the end of my posts just to encourage people to comment on my post haha, if you want to say something be my guest love, but i’m not gonna nudge anyone to do nothing ^_^
Have a beautifully positively vibey day/night & i hope whatever you’re doing now, it’s not for the money!